Quick Wit – Part 2
In continuation to part 1, here is part 2, which has no relevance to part 1, in any way. Following are some of my witty comments in daily life…
On a Monday morning, I was traveling in a bus with my friend
My friend: So, any plans of getting married?
Me: No, man. not in this week.
In our team meeting: R, S, Wo, K and I were in the conference room. Wi joined the meeting via phone call. At that time, few flies were flying in the conference room. K hit them and killed.
Wo: Hello, Wi.
Wi: Hi, Wo. Who all have joined the meeting with you?
Wo: R, S, K, and GH are here with me.
Me: Mmmm… and some dead flies too.
On a Friday evening. Everyone was asking everyone what their weekend plan was.
Me: (To M) Hey M, what’s your weekend plan?
M: I am going fishing.
Me: Oh, great.
M: What’s your plan?
Me: I am planning to save the fishes that you are planning to kill.
One of my colleagues is recently blessed with a baby boy. He was telling us his fatherhood experience.
My friend: My kid doesn’t cry at all when my wife changes his diaper. But he cries a lot when I change the diaper.
Me: Maybe, you should change your diaper when your kid is not looking at you.
Lunch time: My colleague, S, was talking over phone with his brother about his brother’s marriage. It’s actually planned to happen sometime in November. Everyone started eating except S, who was still talking with his brother. At that time, another friend joined our table.
The new person: What? Everyone is eating? What about S? He’s not eating?
Me: Actually, he’s planning to eat in his brother’s marriage.
S was once in Europe. One day, when our team was having lunch in the office, this conversation happened
S: In Europe, if a kid doesn’t go to school for 3 consecutive days and the parent doesn’t make a phone call to school regd. the absence, police will go to their house.
Me: Oh… what if a police’s kid doesn’t go to school for 3 consecutive days?
One of my friend’s surname is Manekar. I recently got to know his surname. I asked him, “Is your real surname Manjrekar? Have you removed ‘j’ and ‘r’ from your name since you are no more junior (jr)?”
S and I work in the same room in the office. While we left the office today, we took two different routes to go to the bus stop. One of our friends (Manekar), who was already there in the bus-stop asked us.
Manekar: You two are coming in two different routes. Aren’t you two working in the same office, same floor?
Another friend: They work in the same room, too.
Me: We work in the same chair too. I sit in the left half and S sits in the right half.
Our application (in the office) was very slow that day. Because a background job was running in our application. One of our friends came to enquire us why the application was slow. We told him the reason that a background job was running. Then he told us that while he was coming to office, one person, who was driving a bike, raced at high pace and he was about to hit my friend. Luckily my friend escaped from the accident by hair’s breadth. I told, “maybe, we should put in some scheduled job inside that biker, so he slows down.”
In the office: My friend, A, was delivering a presentation on the day before marathon. He was sharing with us some tips and tricks. (Another post about my marathon experience)
A: During marathon, if you don’t want to feel that you are running, then either listen to songs or talk with a friend while running, which will divert your conscious attention from running.
Me: I have more tips. If you don’t want to feel that you are running during marathon, either walk or crawl.
At our friend’s house:
My friend, named A: Every year, lot of people get divorced.
Me: Then, why do they get married every year?
During lunch: My friends were having an argument over when to take leave in December (during Christmas time) A small fight started. Then I interrupted.
Me: Wait, wait, wait. Why are you guys fighting over a simple matter. You don’t even need to have this conversation because the world is anyway going to end on December 21.
gramaticallyhumorous 